October 09, 2010

Long Distance Relationship: The Guide Book

“Distance makes love grow fonder.”

How many people are afraid of dealing with a long-distance relationship? I’ve heard enough from friends and relatives that they are afraid of having this kind of relationship. Some people even decide to give this up, and they prefer to end their relationship with their loved ones just because they believe their long distance relationship will not work.

Antonio and I live in two different worlds, of course. He lives in Spain and I am here in Indonesia. The fact that 13,000 kilometres separates us from each other does not make us afraid or worried about this relationship. Since we agreed to start the relationship, we have been aware of the risks and consequences of having this kind of relationship.

I would say that it is not easy sometimes. There are times when I miss him so much, when I really want to be by his side, or when I long to feel him next to mine. But even so, I try to enjoy every moment that I have with him even though he is far away from me. I love the moments when we speak through Messengers almost every day for hours, which really makes me get a backache sometimes or makes my eyes red for looking at the computer’s screen for hours. I love the moments when I wait for his letters and read his ugly handwriting (but romantic messages, though). I love the moments when he calls me in the morning just to make sure that I will not miss my body-language class. Even I cheer the moments when we have some normal fights and we do not speak for days (normally only 1 or 2 days, actually), but it really makes us realize how we need each other so much.

I always believe that having a long distance relationship is not impossible. Even far before I met Antonio, I have been always believing that it is possible. And now, since I am experiencing it myself, I can share some tips and the things that we need to have when we have decided to have a long distance relationship.

Relax and Take It Easy

Having a long distance relationship can make you wonder, “What is he doing now? Is he with someone else? A woman?” This is normal, I guess. However, try not to think about this so much. You have to put your trust completely in him. You have to believe always that he loves you and you are the only one important person in his heart.

Trust Him

Having a long distance relationship means willing to trust him completely. You entrust your heart to him, and he entrusts his heart to you. You have to trust him when he says, “Sorry, I cannot chat today, I have to go with my friends.”

Even though the distance makes you miss him so much and you wish to speak with him almost every hour, you have to give him a room to breathe. Let him have his own time. Let him go out with his friends and do the normal men-stuff. Encourage him to do the things he loves doing and tell him, “Have fun!”

Be Honest

Do not ever lie to him! If he trusts you, you have to keep his trust. If you need to say A, just say A. Do not say B when you mean to say A. Tell him everything about you, the good and the bad, so that he will not get shocked when he knows you for real. If you need to go out with your friends, moreover your male-friends, tell him the truth. He will appreciate your being honest.


Tell him everything happens to you! When you chat with him in the evening, for example, try to tell him about your activities or what you did on that day. You can also tell him about your friends, so that he knows who your friends really are. This is important, especially when you tell him about your male-friends, so that when you happen to go out with some of them one day, he will know he is just your friend.

It is ok also if you let him know your close friends, and he lets you know his friends as well. You can suggest him to add some of your close friends in Facebook, for example. Or you can also have the initiative to add some of his friends in Facebook (but make sure that you tell him after), so that you will know them well also. Besides, knowing his friends will be an advantage for you. If something bad happens to him, or when you cannot contact him for some reasons, you can ask his friends about it.

Keep Communicating

We have to be grateful that nowadays we have Internet and mobile phones to keep in contact with our loved ones. If you happen to have your own Internet, you can chat with him everyday if you want. But if you do not have your own Internet, you can chat with him every 3 days, for example. If you can call him or send him SMS, it will be ok as well. But remember, don’t call him in the wrong time. Don’t call him too early in the morning (unless he wants you to do so, as an alarm call, for example), don’t call him when he is working or having a moment with his friends or family. Don’t send him SMS too often, like 50 SMS a day. This is too much, I guess.

Having a webcam will be an advantage as well. You can see him while speaking with him, and you will what’s new from him. Perhaps he has a new hair cut, or he has acne on his cheek, or he is getting fatter... You will know it well when you have a webcam.

Pay Attention to Him

Even though you live far away from him, it does not mean that you cannot pay attention to what he needs. Perhaps you cannot give him a physical attention, like being a shoulder to cry on when he is sad, but you can pay attention to his life in general. For example, you can ask him something like, “How’s your day?” or “How’s your work?” or “Have you finished the project? Can I help?” Make sure that you know his world as well.

Give Him a Surprise

Write him letters even though they look so old-fashioned. Send him a present on his birthday or on your anniversary. It will be better if you can make the present yourself. It does not have to be an expensive present. You can just make your own birthday card and write your own poem. He will like it, sure.

Those are some of my tips on dealing with a long distance relationship. Last but not least, you have to show him your love. You cannot make it physically, but you can make it verbally. Send him funny animation or an online romantic message regularly, one every 2 weeks, for example, so that he will always remember that your heart still belongs to him. Or do this simple thing: tell him that you love him every day, write him “I LOVE YOU” on his Facebook Wall, for example.

Good luck... ^^

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