November 27, 2010

Am I a Relationship Counselor??

Lately, some people who found me in Facebook sent me messages, asking some advice about their relationship issues. At first I was like, “Eh??? Why do they ask me for advice??” Well, it’s not without reasons, I guess. They said they found me in The Secret group in Facebook. They read what I wrote there and they think I can give them some relationship advice. Wow, it feels really great when you can really help others, in any ways possible… :)

Well, to be honest, I am not a person who knows very well about relationship. In fact, I didn’t go through many relationships before I get married. I never had boyfriends (plural, with “s”), because my first and only boyfriend was my husband. Yeah, it sounds tragic, I know. But that’s the truth. But don’t think that I never liked or loved any guys before I love my husband, I did. I love cute guys, and who doesn’t? And perhaps this was the problem. I always liked handsome guys, who have light tanned skin, a pointed nose, thick eyebrows… And well, when I found that kind of guy, that guy didn’t like me back. Perhaps it’s because I am not pretty enough for them. Or perhaps, it’s because they are all too stupid and too stubborn to get to know me better, hahaha…

I had my first (and last) boyfriend when I was 22. So long, huh? Hahaha… Well, I am lucky because I am not that kind of girls who will get ANYONE just to make sure that she is “good enough” for boys. I always thought, “Why do I need a boyfriend if I don’t really love him?” Then, I chose to wait, for 22 years. And God finally gave me what I wanted; a handsome caring guy, who loves me so dearly so much and accepts me for who I am, who understands me completely, and who can always make me laugh with his weird jokes. God finally gave me my husband. I couldn’t be luckier.

I don’t say that I have smooth relationship with him. In fact, we lived in different countries; he’s in Spain and I lived in Indonesia. We went through what people call as “Long Distance Relationship” or LDR. It wasn’t easy, I won’t lie. I couldn’t see him as often as I liked, nor kissed him goodnight, nor saw his smile when I opened my eyes in the morning. Yet, I had great faith within me that things would work out amazingly for us. And they do. I finally marry him, the man I love and adore.

What I am trying to say is, whatever relationship that you have, you need to be grateful for that. Someone in this whole wide universe may want the same relationship as what you have now. Someone in this world may want a boyfriend or a partner, while you are lucky to have one. What exactly you need is to be more grateful for the relationship you have. Be grateful when you are in good moments with him because they make you happier. Be grateful when you are in bad moments with him because they make you stronger. Be grateful for each day that you spend together with him because it makes you know him better. Be grateful for everything.

I believe that the most important keys in relationship are TRUST, HONESTY and LOYALTY. Well, LOVE is also important, but I believe that most people who are in relationship do love each other. TRUST your partner completely. Do not think too much about whether he’s lying to you, whether he’s with someone else (a woman, I mean). Be HONEST with him for everything. Share everything that happens to you every day. Share your thoughts, ideas or problems with him. Ask him for advice, I am sure he’ll be glad to help. Be LOYAL to him. You have someone for you, someone that you choose to be your partner. Some people may want the same as you. So be grateful because you have him in your life.

Also, when you love someone completely, do not try to change him. Accept him for what he is, all the good and the bad. Support him in everything. If he goes to the wrong direction, don’t blame him. Guide him to the right path. You have to sincerely love him, without expecting anything in returns. It sounds like a cliché, but that’s what you really need to do when you want to have a great relationship. Remember that a relationship is not about finding the perfect person, but growing with that person perfectly. Relationship is not about whether you have things in common, but about how you stay together when you have different ideas or characters.

Some people also ask me, “Can I attract that boy/girl? Can I make that boy/girl love me??” Well, it’s not impossible, but also difficult at the same time. You need to remember that, once again, you can’t change someone. It includes making someone love you. You need to be in the same frequencies with him/her so that he/she will love you back. It is more difficult to attract an exact person that a person in general. You know what I mean? If you want to have your perfect partner, it will be easier if you just ASK for him/her, ANYONE in this whole universe, than if you ask for an EXACT person, your classmate, your neighbor, or your brother’s friend, for example.

Yet, there are things you can do if you want to attract someone. First, you need to put yourself in happy feeling, happy thoughts. If you can’t be happy, then you can’t be positive about what you really want. Next, you need to visualize the end result, i.e. when you have him already. Imagine that he is already yours, imagine doing things together with him, imagine how he treats you, imagine how he kisses you, imagine everything like it happens already! Then, you need to act in accordance with what you desire. Feel and do things as if you have him already. Don’t question “When will he be mine??” or “Why can’t he be mine soon??” because they indicate you don’t have him yet. You get the point?

And, this is the most important, if you have done those things and he still can’t be yours, don’t be upset. Remember that God is preparing you for someone a lot better. Just be patience. Remember that God will give you him at the right time. God will give you your Prince Charming. Forget about the broken-hearted things. Make it fun. Think like, “My Prince Charming gets lost and confused and is too stubborn to ask for directions. That’s why he isn’t here yet.” Then, you can IMAGINE that he is already in the right direction; WITH YOU.

Love is coming to you. Just believe. Have faith… ^^ 
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