January 05, 2011

When He is Out of My Sight

Di seberang lautan biru yang dalam, Antonio jauh dariku. Tapi sepertinya dia tak sejauh itu--meskipun sangat jarang aku bisa bersamanya--karena dalam hatikulah ia bertakhta, dan di sanalah dia akan berdegup selamanya.

I will not deny that there are times when I really miss him so much. Well, having a long-distance relationship is not always easy.  Somehow I really want to be with him no matter how, no matter what. Somehow I believe that I can do anything just to make myself closer to him. The missing is killing me and sometimes when I cannot take it any longer, I will sleep crying during the night and wish that I can meet him even if it is only in my dream.

However, I know that sometimes I cannot change what is happening between us. We are like living in two different worlds and we cannot be like normal couples where they can see their loved-ones as often as they like. We are different, but special though, because God unites us despite the enormous distance between us.

Well, when that missing period comes--I like to name it that way because the missing days have their own regular cycle--I try to cheer myself by memorizing our memories together.

So, what I normally do is...

Read his SMS
I still keep his SMS that he sent me two years ago, hahaha... Well, I only keep the romantic or funny SMS because the inbox in my mobile phone cannot keep them all (even if I really want to). I read them over and over again, and sometimes I can laugh myself when I am reading them. They really remind me of him and how sweet he is.

Some of my favourites are:

27 December 2008; 10.54: Hai sweet lover! I wish 2 b soon withU bcz u r the womanPerfect 4 me,u`ll b the bestWife &mother. Have u 4evr will b the best gift. TQM & I MU. Many kises & hv fun!

28 December 2008; 09.56: Hai miAmor! Aku tergila-gila padamu,aku jatuh cinta padamu dan aku adalah milikmu. Aku ingin kau ada dalam dekapanku. Aku ingin bersamamu selama-lamanya. Hv fun.

14 July 2009; 17.59: CINTAKU! If u r tired I`ll b urChair,if u r sad I`llurClown,if u r hungry I`ll cook 4 u,if u r crying I`ll dry it,if u fell cold I`ll urJacket,I`ll b evry u need.

I like so much his Indonesian SMS because I was surprised he could write me in Indonesian. And I think it was so sweet since he does not say many romantic words, hehehe...

Read his letters
Though he does not have good handwriting, I am still happy to get his letters. Sometimes he sends his letters for surprise, like what he did on our 3rd monthniversary. He sent me his letter along with CD of Spanish songs. I had just returned from my office when my Mom said, "You got a letter from Antonio."

His letters

But then, a week later, my Mom told me the same thing, "You got another letter from Antonio," and I was like, "What??? Again???" Hahaha... I was so surprised. He sent me a letter along with, again, CD of Spanish songs and some videos. It was so sweet, though. I love what he did.

Sleep with "his" dolls
Let me introduce you to...

Antonio Bear
Why Antonio Bear? Well, it is a teddy bear, right? He gave me this when he visited me in 2008. We went to a gift shop and he asked me, "Do you want some?"
And I said, "Mmm... What do you want to buy for me?"
"You decide. Pick what you like," he replied.
"Well," I said, "You pick up for me, then. It is your present."

Antonio Bear

At first he wanted to buy me a big teddy bear, very big really, but I thought that it was too big for my bed. So I chose that Antonio Bear instead. I name that teddy bear "Antonio Bear" to remind me of him. Everything is about Antonio, hehehe...

Antonio Kura-Kura, Antonio Spongebob and Tweety
He bought me these dolls this year when he visited me again. I had a pet turtle, and he knows that I like my turtle so much--though I did not take care of her, hehehe... And about Spongebob... Well, I love cartoons and I still watch Spongebob Squarepants on TV. That is why he thinks that I am still childish. But I do not mind, because watching cartoons can make me laugh and it makes me look younger, hahaha...

And Tweety... I always like Tweety. It is my favourite cartoon character. Antonio bought me this Tweety in Spain. Well, actually I still have another Tweety (my own Tweety), but I gave it for Antonio for his Christmas present. I did not know what to give for him because he always said, "I do not want anything, Princess." So, I put all those dolls on my bed and sleep with them every night, hehehe... Sounds childish?

Spongebob, Kura-Kura and Tweety

Listen to Antonio's songs
Well, Antonio's songs are not really his songs, but they are the songs that remind me of him. There are two songs, actually. First is the song called "Yo Te Amo" by Chayanne, and the second is "Two is Better Than One" by Boys Like Girls feat. Taylor Swift. The last song is so special because it was the song when we had our first dance.

Every time I am listening to these songs, I will recall my memories when we were together. Again, I can laugh myself and sometimes I can even have my future vision of having a family with him.  

Sniff his T-shirt
So, here it is, my favourite Antonio's T-shirt. I asked him to wear this T-shirt one day before he returned to Spain this year. I even asked him to get sweaty so that the T-shirt would have his smell, hahaha... Sure you think now, "IIIUUUHHHHH!!! That`s gross!!!" But really, I love so much sniffing on this T-shirt every night before I went to bed, because when I do this I feel that he is near.

His T-shirt (but now he has it back)

Well, now this T-shirt does not smell as his smell much. It smells more like my smell, actually. But that`s ok, soon I will be with him and I can sniff his neck again. I love sniffing his neck. It smells good.


I really wish you were here, or I were there, or we were together anywhere.

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