March 18, 2011

Being a Good Wife for Me is…

What does a good wife mean to you?

Well, of course it differs from one wife to another. I had never become a wife before—of course— and so I really don’t have any ideas about being a good wife. But even so, I saw what my Mom used to do to us—my father and siblings—and so I kind of know what a good wife is. I learn a lot from my Mom about being a good wife. She never complained, she didn’t get angry often, she kept worrying about my father even though she was mad at him. Even though I never heard her saying “I love you” to my father, I know that deep inside her heart, she did. She cared about him. She has devoted her life for being his wife, perfectly.  And so, I am learning to be a good wife for my husband.

When I get up in the morning to prepare food for Antonio’s breakfast (even though it’s just milk and cereal or toast), Antonio always tells me, “You don’t have to get up so early. I can make my own breakfast.” And normally I think, “Oh yeah, like you will get up early.” He loves sleeping and so it’s difficult for him to get up, hahaha…

Or when Antonio gets back from work, I make him a glass of tea or guava juice (his favorite), his family normally tells me, “Wow, he is now a king. You prepare everything for him.”

Well, it’s not that I have to do all of those things for him—like a duty or task or responsibility—but I do those things because I want to. I like preparing food for his breakfast. I like making him a glass of tea or preparing other things for him (like what pajamas he wears). It’s not that I am his wife and so I have to do those things, but it’s because I am his wife and I want to do those things.

I know that Spain and Indonesia have different meanings about being a wife, that in Indonesia a wife is supposed to ‘service’ her husband, day and night, while in Spain a wife is more independent, in that she doesn’t have to do everything for her husband (I guess). In that case, I am still an Indonesian wife. I am Indonesian after all!

What I do every day now is just cleaning, cleaning and cleaning. Well you know, housework stuff. After he goes to work, I make the bed. Then, I wash the plates and sweep the floor. Every 2 or 3 days, I wash the clothes or iron them. Sometimes I cook. And his family says that I have huge interest in cleaning, hahaha… Well, again, I do all of them because I want to, not because I am forced to do them or responsible for them.

But well, being a wife is more than just preparing food for our husband, or cleaning the house, or giving a massage when our husband is tired. It’s a lot more than those things, actually. For me, being a good wife is loving our husband in every situation—the good and the bad. Love him when he’s on top, and love him still when he’s at the bottom. It’s respecting him and his thoughts or ideas. It’s understanding him completely. It’s comforting him when he’s down. It’s more about those things.

I know that Antonio isn’t a perfect person—and neither am I. And sometimes I really wish he could read my mind and see what I really want him to do for me, hahaha… I know that now we are together. Really together. I can see him every day, listen to his voice, hug him, kiss him, and even tickle him. But I still miss him sometimes. Weird, huh?

Well, it’s kind of normal for me. He works 5 days a week, like 10 hours a day. So actually I have only around 5 hours a days (and around 6-7 hours sleeping hours) to be with him. And so sometimes I feel neglected when he prefers watching TV or browsing the Internet to being with me after work. I want him to be with me, to do other things with me.

And here is when a wife is tested. I know I want him to choose me instead of the TV or computer, but I try to understand that he’s tired after work, and he needs time to relax, to know what’s going on with the world, to get some entertainment. And yes, normally I will go to bed and sleep when he does those things, hahaha…

But again, I am still a newly wife. I still need to learn how to be a wife perfectly. Perhaps I don’t need to be the number one wife in the world. As long as I can be the number one wife for Antonio, that would be enough for me. 

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