November 09, 2011

If Only God Had an Email Address

If only God had an email address, I would be so grateful because whenever I am feeling low, sad, depressed or confused, I could just write Him an email and He would reply it and tell me what to do.

I am, at present, not in my happy stage. I don’t know why. I was so confused that I wrote God an email. It might sound silly, and it indeed is. But I didn’t care. I wrote God everything I was confused about. I wrote Him questions—most of them started with “Why”. My email was full of doubts and, perhaps, a little bit of anger. When I finished writing the email, confusion attacked. Where should I send this email to? Out of depression and eagerness to get the answers to my questions, I wrote, in the email direction, god@idon’

Normally, when an email is failed to send, we will get a failure delivery notification. I didn’t (and still don’t) get this notification. So I wondered whether the email address I wrote was indeed an actual address. I Googled it, but I didn’t find the address I wrote. Then I thought, did God really receive my email?

I was woken up last night. Still not knowing what to do, I desperately said, “Please give me the answers, God.”

Out of nowhere, a voice seemed to talk to me. This voice said, “What kinds of answers you need?”

And I replied, “Everything.”

Then the voice said again, “You have always known the answers. You know them precisely, better than anyone else.”

“But I’m not sure about them,” I said. “Am I talking with God now?”

“What do you think?” said the voice.

“I don’t know,” I replied, unsure of what to say. “It feels like I am talking with myself. It feels like the reply is part of my imagination.”

The voice replied, “What would the difference be if I can guide you to the answers you need?”

“I think I’m crazy,” I said.

“You are not crazy. You are special. You are always special, like everyone else,” said the voice.

“Then,” I continued. “If You are really God, why couldn’t I listen to you before? Why do you decide to talk with me now?”

“I have always talked with you, my child,” said the voice. “It’s just, sometimes, you are not willing to listen.”

“So why can I listen to you now?” I intrigued to find the answer.

“Because,” the voice replied. “You have put your heart into the lowest level of resignation, that you really demand the answers to all of your questions. You seek for My help and you have done your very best to listen. And now you can actually do.”

“It still seems to me that I am talking with myself, and not with You,” I said.

“It won’t matter for I will now guide you to the answers you are searching,” replied the voice.

“Tell me,” I said.

The voice said, “The key lies in gratitude, and you know it very well. What makes you unsure about gratitude is because you don’t see what you are grateful for, because you are grateful for the things you want to happen in your life. You are grateful for them because you want them to manifest. You forget to be grateful for them merely because you know and you have faith within you that you have actually had those things. So, instead of releasing all worries, you, deep inside your thoughts, keep asking ‘Why’. Why can’t I get it? Why isn’t it working? You forget that you should put away all the anxiety that lives within you. You need to have faith. You have to believe.”

“It’s difficult to believe in something that doesn’t exist,” I said.

“I know,” replied the voice. “You have written in your gratitude journal all the things you want to manifest, in detailed explanations. It isn’t necessary, actually.”

“Is not?” I triggered.

“No, it isn’t. You merely need to be grateful for the things you want to achieve, in general. The more you give a detailed explanation, the more you will doubt it, because your mind knows well that it doesn’t exist, that it only exists in your imagination.”

“So what should I do, then?” I asked again.

“Keep being grateful for the things you have, no matter how small it is. Remember, as you have always said it yourself: somewhere, someone might want what you have. Be thankful for it. In the meantime, be grateful for the thing you want to have or achieve, and release it, as if it’s already yours. Then, play images in your mind, to give more detailed explanations about those desires and really feel them. If you want to give details, give them through images that you play inside your mind,” answered the voice.

“And,” continued the voice. “Stop looking up. Stop comparing what you have with others’. What you have right now is the best for you. What others have may not be perfect for you. So why do you want things that are useless for you? Appreciate every single thing in your life, for they have worked and destined to fit you.”

“I still feel I am talking with myself,” I repeated.

“Who cares? You know the answer now. You can be, do and have everything you want in life. You have the ability to create your own life and you know exactly how to do it. Have faith, my child. The best is yet to come. In fact, it has come to you and it’s waiting for you to accept it.”

“Okay,” I said. “Thanks for the answers.”

“You are most welcome, my child. Whenever you have doubt, you know where to find me. I am always within you, for I live inside you. Have a willingness to listen and hear what I am telling you, and you will be able to hear and listen to Me,” said the voice.

Even now, I still think I was talking with myself last night, that I was not talking with God. Yet, no matter whom I was talking with, it has showed me the answers I need. I am still confused. I am still unhappy, and I still don’t know why. But I know, it all depends on me, whether I will keep being in this negative feelings or whether I will rise back and have my faith again. 

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kikin said...

u okay mba?? :(
hope averything okay with u.....
im here if u wanna share.. :*


ps: why i couldn't find ur fb?

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